Search: the bloat

How To Change A Flat Like An Asshole

by editors on April 15, 2014

We’ve been hard on the BLOAT (Biggest Liar Of All Time) for a while now. After watching this little edit, however, we’ve finally found enlightenment on the subject. The BLOAT is not some evil force in the world of cycling. He’s not an ogre, or a monster, or someone who will live out his days in infamy. No, he’s just a common, ordinary asshole who happens to be very good at cycling. . . and assholing.

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Shuttlecock Theme Song: Faster Than U

by editors on March 26, 2013

Finally, the bloats who just love to shuttle have a theme song, Faster Than You. And, the funny thing, the guys who love this edit most probably don’t even race. Go figure.

[Link via VitalMTB]

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2013 World Champ Mascot Is Pinocchio?

by editors on October 26, 2012

PinnocioOrganizers of the 2013 World Cycling Championships say their choice of Pinocchio has nothing to do with the recent USADA indictment of the BLOAT (a.k.a. Biggest Liar of All Time) and that it is simply a historical figure, according to a story on Velonews.

“Ours is a Pinocchio connected to his origins, happy, athletic and attentive,” according to the official website of the 2013 world championships. “He is looking at the horizon, expressing an optimistic attitude versus the future. The expression of his face is smiling, happy, positive and at the same time astonished.”

Apparently, the Italian have no sense of irony. Wouldn’t it be better just to embrace it?

[Link: VeloNews]

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UCI Turns Back On Lance Armstrong

by editors on October 22, 2012

Armstrong18This morning (October 22, 2012), according to a story in The Washington Post, the UCI officially stripped Lance Armstrong of his seven Tour de France titles and, according to UCI President Pat McQuaid, “Lance Armstrong has no place in cycling and he deserves to be forgotten in cycling.”

The UCI has completed its review of USADA’s ‘Reasoned Decision’ and appendices in the case against Lance Armstrong. . . The UCI considered the main issues of jurisdiction, the statute of limitation the evidence gathered by USADA and the sanction imposed upon Mr. Armstrong. . . The UCI confirms that it will not appeal to the Court of Arbitration for Sport and that it will recognize the sanction that USADA has imposed.

Oakley, the last of the Armstrong major sponsor holdouts, officially cut ties with the outlaw biker today saying: “When Lance joined our family many years ago, he was a symbol of possibility. . . We are deeply saddened by the outcome, but look forward with hope to athletes and teams of the future who will rekindle that inspiration by racing clean, fair and honest.”

As for us, we’re giving Armstrong one last opportunity to speak on the topic and then we’re striking his name from future postings and will instead replace it with our new name from him: The BLOAT i.e. Biggest Liar Of All Time.

Click here to watch the full 50 minutes UCI Press conference and announcement.

[Link: Washington Post] [click to continue…]

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Outside Adds Pinkbike To Media Quiver

by editors on July 16, 2021

It seems the BLOAT just can’t keep his hands off more cycling media brands as Outside buys mountain bike community Pinkbike (along with Cyclingtips and Trailforks). In a letter from the editor on July 16, 2021, Pinkbike’s “head of editorial” Brian Park explained exactly why selling out to Outside (formerly known as Pocket Outdoor Media) was such a great thing.

Pinkbike’s mission to be the pulse of mountain biking and to share the ride with the global mountain bike community doesn’t change, only now we have more resources and capabilities to take on even bigger and better projects. . . Our head office remains in Squamish, BC, and we’re about to move into a brand new office space with way more room to grow. We’ll also have access to new equipment and improved test facilities for more scientific, objective product evaluations.

Newly acquired media properties always seem optimistic about how “everything will stay the same, but we’ll have more opportunities to do all kinds of cool stuff” and rarely is this the case in reality. Big brands buy small brands so they can kill off competition and streamline efficiencies. But hey, let’s hope it goes well for Pinkbike et. al. Maybe the new Outside is better than all the media conglomerates that have come before. It could happen.

[Link: Pinkbike]

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Why Are MTB Shoes So Ugly?

by editors on October 14, 2019

This is not a rhetorical question. We really want to know. If you have any idea why current MTB shoes are always, boxy, clunky, bloated-looking clod hoppers, please leave it in the comments. Thanks.

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Garmin Fancies Up With fēnix Chronos

by editors on August 26, 2016

fenix_Chronos

Garmin’s top-of-the-line multi-sport watch the fēnix 3 just got a high fashion sibling that looks more a Breitling Chronliner and less like a bloated Forerunner. Sure, the new fēnix Chronos still does all the cycling things that the fenix does. It can pair with your ANT+ power meter, cadence/speed sensors, and heart rate monitor and upload it live to Strava (when paired with a smartphone). It also keeps track of routes,compassing, altimeter, and temperature changes, but this one comes in titanium, steel, and steel with a vintange leather band.

“High-end design meets top-tier performance with fēnix Chronos,” said Dan Bartel, Garmin vice president of worldwide sales. “With luxurious materials and trusted Garmin multisport technology, fēnix Chronos is a necessary timepiece for anyone who wants to remain stylish through all of life’s adventures – whether its hiking through mountains, training for a race, or heading to a formal event.”

As you might have guessed all this fancy comes at a price. The fēnix Chronos titanium with titanium band will cost $1,500 (more than twice the cost of the previous top of the line fēnix 3); fēnix Chronos steel with stainless steel band $1000; and fēnix Chronos steel with leather band will cost $900. The price does include a silicone sport band for when you want to get it sweaty.

We’ve called the fēnix 3 one of the best bike computers you can wear on your wrist, and Chronos looks even better. For the official word from Garmin, follow the jump.

[click to continue…]

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Wacky Bird Complains About Fit Husband

by editors on December 12, 2014

Price Spaven

Jennie Price is a link-baiting writer who has a well shared story in the Daily Mail titled On The Shame of Being Married to a MAMIL (that’s a Middle Aged Man In Lycra). And while she goes over the top repeatedly about how much she’s bothered by her husband spending so much time on the bike, she did kick down a few truths we’re all guity of:

For those fortunate enough to have normal husbands, allow me to elaborate. Being a MAMIL is about much more than squeezing your ample frame into tight lycra. . . This means boring dinner parties into silence with endless chat about bikes, spending long hours of family time out ‘training’, embarrassing your children walking around the house in bib shorts (think a mankini with padding around the nether regions) and paying eye-watering sums for obscure items of kit.

We wonder, would Mrs. Price rather her husband spend his days hefting pints at the local pub and then come home drunk to rub his bloated, sweaty belly all over her sexy red dress? Somehow we doubt it.

[Link: Daily Mail]

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